Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
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