I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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