Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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