Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Randomize
