Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize