My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
