I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
