No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Did I show you my penis last night?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
