is your mom at the bar?
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
worst night to have a conscience
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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