these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
