remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
