AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
my liver is dry heaving
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
