I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
