I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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