just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
