I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
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