Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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