come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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