bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize