epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Randomize