i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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