someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
