I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize