hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
