Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
