these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
