I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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