i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize