Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
how can u be prego again
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
