I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
