I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Randomize
