The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
