All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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