Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
