Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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