Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
