I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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