According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
operation harelip BJ is a go
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
