She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
