It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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