I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
