So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
