There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
