dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize