this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
