Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
