Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
