why didn't you poke me back
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
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