Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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