When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize