Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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