im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize