i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
