whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
