You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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