bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize