she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Everything about him screamed your future.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I need to calm my uterus...
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
