I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
