we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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