our cab driver is having phone sex.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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