if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
