Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
