I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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