5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
