even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
