Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
