i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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