i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
